LIFE IS UNFAIR.
Napaka-unfair ng mundo.
Mahal na mahal mo siya, mahal na mahal kita, at mahal na mahal ako ng iba. Di ba napakasakit? Pareparehas tayong nakakulong sa isang one way ticket?
Sana. Sana ako nalang. Sana hindi mo na siya iniisip. Sana ako nalang ang minamahal mo, para hindi ka na nasasaktan. Para masaya ka na. Para masaya na rin ako. Pabayaan mo na siya, may mahal na siyang iba. Masaya na siya. Bakit ako, hindi mo magawang pansinin at nakuha mo pa akong alisin sa buhay mo kung kailan nagsisimula palang yung pagkakaibigang apat na taon kong inaasam.
At sana rin, sana yung taong nagmamahal nalang sakin yung gusto ko. Para hindi narin ako nasasaktan, at para hindi siya nasasaktan. I feel really bad kasi alam kong nakakasakit ako ng ibang taong wala namang ginawa kundi mahalin ako.
Gusto ko sisihin ang mundo. Napaka-unfair. Bakit hindi nalang ipag-adya ang mga pusong karapatdapat mahalin. Bakit kung sino pa yung mga nagmamahal ng totoo sila pa yung nasasaktan, nagagamit, naiiwan.
The problem is me.
I can’t surrender myself to someone who is willing to give up his whole universe just to make me happy. That someone who’s willing to wipe all the tears that I continue to shed because of the emptiness that I can’t explain. He is totally unlucky because loving me at this state is very tragic and dangerous. I’m at my point of desperation. I am a monster now.
I hate myself for continously loving the guy who didn’t gave a fuck about my feelings. And here I am causing pain to someone who loves me unconditionally.
I wish i could love him back. But I can’t. The mere fact that I am stupid enough to still hope for something I’ve never had to come back is completely bullshit.
Wala akong karapatang sumaya.
deciding i was pretty was the best thing that i ever did
one day i was just like
fuck this im pretty
and i was
Feelings That Are Better Than Sex
Peeling the plastic off something you just bought:
Plunging your hands into a bag of uncooked rice:
Getting into bed right after you’ve washed your sheets and taking your socks off:
Tearing off a piece of paper perfectly:
When the vending machine takes your dollar on the first try:
Waking up and realizing you still have time to sleep:
A full tank of gas:
When the lights go down just before a concert starts:
Peeling the glue off the back of a gift card:
Pushing this back and forth: