I remember when i was badly hurt before. My friends are the one’s that i’m counting on. They never left me, though sometimes when i’m crying they’re making fun with me. Taking silly pictures of me when i’m drunk and dancing like a crazy stupid kid, singing with my mouth wide open. God I missed them so much. I just wanna be with my long time friends, MVA friends right now.
Maybe i should really do this. Kailangan ko galitin yung sarili ko para hindi na ulit ako masaktan at maulit yung lahat ng nangyari dati, na napagsisihan ko na.
These past few days, I am slightly into the thought of making up with my ex boyfriend. Hell yeah. Stupid idea. Yung tipong kapag sinabi niya na, magbalikan kami, i would agree. Pathetic. I don’t know. I’m no longer in love with him anymore as much as i did before. Maybe yung 4 months na hindi kami nagkikita is really helpful for me to get over him completely. But the question now is, nakamove on na nga ba talaga ako? Or just because hindi kami nagkikita and nagkakasama kaya I no longer feel something for him. I’m so confused. And what the hell is happening to me, for the nth time.
Then I told myself. No. Don’t. If I don’t want to feel the endless pain and misery that he had caused me again then maybe it is better for us to stay as friends. As in friends, not close, not bestfriend. Just FRIENDS. Casual. I know that by the time that I give him another chance to invade my feelings and vulnerability, I will again transform into someone that I am really not. I am strong enough, happy enough, and contented to let a man that cause me so much pain break it all again. So the answer is a big NO.
I feel frustrated. I mean, I am so insecure. I always struggle to improve myself, everything about me. Physically, emotionally and in any aspects. I’m always battling with myself, trying to change the results of my negligence from the past. There’s always this “If only i did this, i did that”, “If only i believed in myself”, “If only i didn’t do this”, “If only i tried”. There’s always these IF ONLY’S that i keep on regretting until now.
After realizing all of the chances ha I’ve wasted before now I always think about the WHAT IF’s.What if i do this, what if i believe, what if i succeed? Maybe I’ll be happier now and I’ll be able to feed my hunger for self confidence. Maybe I should really start, NOW. There’s no sense in regretting and always making myself guilty of what have been. I should make a move. Maybe. And tomorrow I’ll be happier than today.
Ewan. I’m so over him as in. And I’m so sad na hindi kami close friends ngayon. Siguro kasi hindi parin siya nagggrow-up. Hindi niya maibigay yung friendship. Namiss ko yung family niya, super close ko kasi sa kanila lalo na sa Mom and youngest sister niya. I just feel like I am really part of that family. Kaso wala eh, minsan kailangan talaga ganito.
Sa totoo lang miss ko na talaga siya.
Yung mga oras na magkakwentuhan kami, tungkol sa mga nangyari sa buhay ko, sa mga kalokohan ko, sa mga naachieve ko at sa mga reklamo ko sa buhay. Sa totoo lang kagabi nung nagtetext siya na gusto niya ko makasama at dun na matulog sa kanila, gusto ko talaga. Pero ayaw ko. alam ko naman mali yun.pag sinunod ko nanamn gusto ko sa bandang huli ako nanaman talunan
Iiyak ka nanaman?
wag na. sayang ang luha. pigilin mo.