20. Future Engineer. Frustrated good girl. Dancer. Singer. Drama queen.

 

Challenge accepted.

When the 1st Semester of my final year in college begun, I was awarded with one of the most treasurable award for an Engineering student: Best in OJT. Then again I told myself, I’ll bring the bacon for Best in Feasibility Study and Best in Thesis. All hopes are up. I am so ready for the battle.

I’m in the middle of depression right now. Just this morning our Dean posted the official groupings for the UnderGrad Research. My eyes were in tears and all my hopes fell down when I’ve found out that I belong to the group of four; wherein I have to accept the fact that I’ll be the only one who will exert 101% effort.

I asked God, why? Why me? Off all the students why did you let me fall into that kind of group who’s only goal is to have a grade of 75 when I am ? I broke down. I called my friends(Feasib Groupmates) about this.

But then again I realized that maybe God wants me to be with them sonthat I’ll be the one to lead them up. I’ll be the one to raise the bar. This is a tough challenge. This isn’t a joke. The question is will I still make it to the Best in Thesis?

God please. Don’t let this happen to me :(

I am NOT one of your puppets, neither one of us. We don’t even give a single f*ck about who you are. Stop tellin’ us what to do, or tellin’ other people what you want us to do. We have our own life. Me? I am living it the way I want it without messin’ with anybody’s turf. You can’t control every body, accept that. But please, at least, GET A LIFE. Get rid of my bestie, leave her alone, bastard.

octopusbath:

hamishwatson:

if ur screwing up ur life cuz u are a perfectionist with major anxiety who procrastinates and spends way too much time on the internet clap ur hands

image

I just feel the need to share this clingy post.

Somebody left a note on my bag, it was a little “post-it” paper. It says “You’ll always be the angel. Our angel. Everybody’s. Smile.” With my favorite candy stapled on it- the almighty strawberry flavored Monami. Hahaha.

It’s just that I am so lucky. I’ve got lots of REAL friends around. I called him. Silly bestfriend of mine. I didn’t noticed that they’re just after me when I arrived. He’s with my other bestfriends. They must’ve missed me a lot after series of days that I didn’t showed up on our little gatherings which is not normal. And here we are again, just like the old times :)))

You can spread false rumors about me. You can call me anything you want. You can stalk me and then later reveal every flaw that I possess. But one thing is for sure, NO ONE CAN BRING ME DOWN.

I worked hard for everything that I’ve got today. And there’s no piece of earthly thing could destroy me. I may get hurt, lose my pride, give up on someone, but I will never let others destroy me anymore.

I’ve been through lots of troubles, I’ve got beaten by depression when the man that I love the most left me. I’ve almost killed myself because I hate the world for always throwing flames to a girl like me who just want to be happy. I’ve messed up. But hey, look at what I am now. I’ve been through lots of bullshit, every kind, but I am still flying.

Hatred will pull you down. It will just drown you. It will make you worry about something you should not. So stop hatin’. Start ignorin’.

I posted about you because you are so dear to me, Israel James. I don’t know if you’re gonna read this. But hey, I love you.

Dear James,

I am sorry. I want to say sorry for everything that I’ve done. I am sorry for hurting you all the time. I am sorry for pushing you away. Im sorry if I make you feel worthless. You don’t deserve that. I am such a monster.

You’re with her now. I am so happy for you. But then when we saw each other again there were butterflies. There is something, i felt something unusual. I knew it. I am still not over our story. And the fact that you already have your girl hurts me a lot. Seeing you happy with her makes me regret everything. But then I deserve the pain coz I am a monster.

If I could only turn back the time. But then it is really impossible. I want you back. And I will do everything just to restore our friendship. I promise that. I love you. I should’ve said that before.

You’ll only know the worth of the person by the time that you already let him go.

I was the problem. I was a fool. I never treasured what he’s doing for me. I pushed him away. I became a monster. I was denying to myself that I already love him.

Now, destiny is my only hope. I don’t know how to win this battle. I don’t how will I get him back. I want him, just as much as he wants me before. I lost a man who loves me dearly. A man who will do anything and everything just to give me the stars. I am such a fool.

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beben-eleben:

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And it haunts me again.

Those Sunday mornings when I am waiting for him to come home. Those Sunday afternoons where we spend our time together talking about what happened in his whole week at work and mine at school. Those Sunday evening when we are going to the movie house then have some dinner before going home.

Those Sundays when we are together and cherish that Sunday because it was his day off from work. Those Sundays that is our love day.

Sundays. Sundays always bring me back to him. And I just want this to stop cause it ain’t no good. I can still remember the memories vividly, i can still remember him. But my feelings has changed. There is no more love, I no longer care, I no longer want to stay.
All I need now is somebody to paint my Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays Thurs, Fridays and Saturdays with colorful memories, for me to stop longing for love and affection everytime it is Sunday.

Dear Daddy,

I am proud to tell you that after one year, you’ll have a daughter, an engineer. Congrats to you and Mama, you’ve brought me up so well.

I am never the perfect daughter like you thought I am. I fail some exams. I am always late. I am a party goer, that’s one thing that I am keeping as a secret to you. I always screw up in my relationships and the boy I loved left me-and I still didn’t told you that. I always come home in the morning light. I get wasted and pass out few times. I told you, I am not your perfect child. But I still want to thank you for always believing in my good side.

Daddy, I may not be the perfect girl but I will assure you that all the things you dreamt for me will not turn into dust. I will always make you proud. I will strive to be the woman I want to be-that you and Mama always remind me.

I want to thank you for everything. For being such a good provider, for being my mentor and disciplinarian. Before, sometimes I hate you for not alllowing me to go home late or attend birthday parties, but right at this moment I want to thank you for doing that because if you didn’t I might be like any other woman who screwed up their own life.

Happy Father’s Day and I love you!