21. Engineer. One of the Boys. Rockstar. Drama queen.

 

Saka nadaw ako bibigyan ni Lord ng lovelife.

Baka nga ganon ang konsepto. Baka ayaw pa ni Lord. Mag-aral daw muna ako kasi yun dapat priority ko, tapos pag nagawa ko yung goal ko na nai-set for myself saka niya ibibigay yung reward na yun.

Walang sense tong rant na to e. I hate to say this pero naiinggit na ako sa mga nakakasalamuha ko na in a relationship. As in yung ang saya lang nila, cheesy pictures with each other kung saan saan. I am not like this before. Never akong naiinggit sa mga ganon since my ex and I broke up. Never ako nainggit sa sweet nothings, sa flowers, chocolates at dates. Ayoko pa nga sa commitment eh. Pero anong nangyayari sakin? :( :( :/


Kailangan ko lang talaga to ilabas. Di na ko natutuwa sa feelings ko e. Focus na sa thesis Jec. May tamang panahon para jan. Kalma.

DECISION

I decided to file a formal/legal complaint against my cousin, and baka madamay dito yung tita ko(na mama niya). Na-blotter na kanina, and sa Monday gagawan na ng report sa Santa Rosa Police. I also talked to my grandfather(motherside), he’s going to be my lawyer. Idk but after our scheduled discussion about the case, madamay yung mama ng cousin ko, sa Monday malalaman kung ano-anong kaso ang isasampa against them, kasama nadin ang libel? verbal abuse? attempted rape? I dont know.

Hindi ko na sana papaabutin sa ganito but sinisira nila ang pangalan ko at binabaligtad nila ako. Gusto pa nila akong siraan sa Daddy ko. How stupid. And I know, mahabang proseso ito. Thesis pa naman. Lord, kayo na bahala.

DAD & MOM, Thank you for everything. Lalo sa pagtatanggol sa akin.

Sobrang na-trigger lang yung galit ko the moment na pinagsalitaan ng masama ng mga tita ko ang mama ko. Kahit kailan hindi ko naging ugaling maging disrespectful sa kahit na sinong tita, tito ko at kahit parents ng mga kaibigan ko. Kahit kailan hindi ko minura, or pinagsalitaan ng masama. Pero dadating sa point talaga na kapag parents ko na ang nadadamay at naaagrabyado hindi ko maiwasan kalimutan ang sitwasyon.

Ayoko sa lahat yung pinagsasalitaan ng masama si Mama kasi siya talaga yung kakampi ko through thick and thin, iwanan man ako ng lahat alam ko si Mama sa akin kakampi dahil sobrang mahal niya kami ng kapatid ko. Sobrang naginit ang ulo ko na pati siya nadamay sa gulo, na ang tangin gusto lang eh magkaron ng peace at maayos ang issue in a good way. Hindi ko naiwasan na sabihan ng masasakit na salita ang lahat ng taong andun kanina. Pinalaki ako ng magulang ko na maging respectful sa lahat ng tao  but they pushed me. At sobrang thankful ako kay Daddy na ako talaga ang pinaniwalaan niya from the very start. At dapat daw sa kanya ako unang una magsumbong, Well. 

Simula ngayon hindi na talaga ako papayag na isantabi ang lahat. Gusto ko na lumayo dito. Ayoko na sa kanila.

AWA

Naaawa ako dahil siguro mahal ko rin sila, lalo na yung pinsan ko dahil wala akong kapatid na lalaki na mas matanda sa akin. Wala akong kuya, kaya siya na ang itinuring ko. Pero bakit ganon -.-

Naaawa ako, pero kailangan ko ilaban ang pagkatao ko. Hindi ako inalagaan, pinag-aral at ipinagtanggol sa lahat ng mga magulang ko para bastusin lang ng kahit na sino. Kaya eto, masakit man sa dibdib ko, itutuloy ko ang kaso.

Ngayon nalang ako ulit nakaramdam ng ganitong klase ng galit. Sobrang galit na halos ayoko na sila makita.

Sobrang galit ako sa mga kamag-anak ko.

Sa pinsan ko na itinuring ko nang parang tunay na kapatid at kuya na bumatos sa akin. Kung sino pa yung inakala ko na magtatanggol at kakampi ko siya pa pala ang may motibo na magawa yun.

Lalong lalo na sa dalawa kong tiyahin. Wala na talaga akong natitirang respeto kahit kaunti. Kahit katiting. Wala. Gusto ko sila murahin ng harapan at ipamukha sa kanila kung gaano sila ka-walang kwentang tao. 

Sobrang sakit na. Sobrang mahirap na yung araw-araw na nasa sarili ko akong bahay ngunit hindi ako malayang makalabas dahil sa trauma na dinulot nila sa akin. Mas gusto ko pang nasa malayo, nasa school, nasa kung saan na alam kong kahit anino nila hindi ko makikita. 

I despise them all.

As of now I am staring in front of my laptop, accidentally opened that folder that contains our pictures. The captured moments of us in the coffee shop, our silly moments beside the beach, that funny pictures of us when we are asleep on a long trip. Every bit of our relationship in this shitty folder. As far as I remember, seeing those photographs after we drifted apart causes so much pain in my chest that’s why I decided to hide it. But here I am now, no longer affected with what I am seeing. I am starting to click the delete button and finally flush out our memories. So long my dear ex love.

Jec Navarro | When I Decided to Unlove You

My desire in styling is triggered again. I am now convinced that apart from my long time dream to be an Engineer and Lawyer, I also want to be a make-up artist and professional stylist. Like who cares you only live once. Might as well try everything :) 

I am dead serious. 

I am planning to invest on make-up thingy. Brushes, palette, and everything. Like srsly.

What’s the worst thing I’ve stolen? Probably little pieces of other people’s lives. Where I’ve either wasted their time or hurt them in some way. That’s the worst thing you can steal, the time of other people. You just can’t get that back.

Chester Bennington   (via oceaniceyes)

(Source: azlieh)

tissuediaries:

You were born to dream big -
surf waves, catch breathtaking sunsets, see the world, and change the world. You are going to be competitive and you are going to be quoted by great writers and teach lessons. You are meant to be outstanding, beautiful, and amazing. The rest of the world is going to look up to you like the stars bow down to the moon when the dark devours the Earth.
But you will meet someone who will speak poetry, inhale dreams, and exhale orange sunrises that’ll make you look forward to every waking ups because he will make mornings better and bright. He will be your downfall. He will be your downfall because he will pierce every inch of you and hold you in a bond like metal rings that hinge together so perfectly - you belong.
You will be Samson and he’ll be your Delilah and it will hurt like hell with burning coals of unextinguished fires - you will love like that.
You will learn that dreams can bend and even the finest portraits can bleed endless colors of blue, red, and black. But it would still be a prize.
In the end, you will be choking on your ideals. You will vomit your words of prose and literature and there’ll be no good lessons that would make sense;
Only a bleeding canvass and a hurting masterpiece.

tissuediaries:

You were born to dream big -

surf waves, catch breathtaking sunsets, see the world, and change the world. You are going to be competitive and you are going to be quoted by great writers and teach lessons. You are meant to be outstanding, beautiful, and amazing. The rest of the world is going to look up to you like the stars bow down to the moon when the dark devours the Earth.

But you will meet someone who will speak poetry, inhale dreams, and exhale orange sunrises that’ll make you look forward to every waking ups because he will make mornings better and bright. He will be your downfall. He will be your downfall because he will pierce every inch of you and hold you in a bond like metal rings that hinge together so perfectly - you belong.

You will be Samson and he’ll be your Delilah and it will hurt like hell with burning coals of unextinguished fires - you will love like that.

You will learn that dreams can bend and even the finest portraits can bleed endless colors of blue, red, and black. But it would still be a prize.

In the end, you will be choking on your ideals. You will vomit your words of prose and literature and there’ll be no good lessons that would make sense;

Only a bleeding canvass and a hurting masterpiece.

1. Wash your sheets every two weeks, I promise you’ll sleep better.

2. If a boy breaks your heart, it’s okay to cry.

3. If a girl breaks your heart, it’s okay to cry.

4. School is important, but there are many things you can’t learn in a classroom. Pursue them.

5. Find your passion, and run with it.

6. No, you don’t need to lose weight.

7. You are beautiful without make up.

8. You are beautiful with make up.

9. Being a good person will never go out of style

10. Buy yourself flowers if you’re feeling sad.

11. Getting enough sleep is very important.

12. Drinking water has so many benefits

13. Believe in fairytales, believe in love, and allow no one to steal your magic.

14. Reading is good for the soul.

15. I am not here to judge you, but I will always support what I think is best for you.

16. I appreciate you.

17. I am proud of you.

18. Even on your worst days, you will never disappoint me.

19. I love you no matter what.

19 Things I Will Tell My Daughter (via bl-ossomed)

(Source: brennanat)

I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself just walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me.

Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone (via lovequotesrus)

(Source: larmoyante)

All you know is that you lie on your bed peacefully, no more thoughts and heavy stab of pain covers you. Your smile is genuine, your chest is empty. It no longer bothers you. His eyes no longer haunts you. You can no longer smell his scent. His thoughts already left you. Your heart is fixed now, and you no longer die for attention. All you know is you are alive, and someone out there is waiting for you. Another chance, another risk, another heaven and another hell.